The grass is always greener is not a new concept and it’s something which I think most of us have experienced at some point. What if I had accepted the other job? What if I’m not going to be happily ever after? What if I never see the world or get married before I’m 30? There are some questions which we might never know the answers to but there comes a time when you just have to make a decision and stick to it (sometimes for better or for worse…) or at least that’s what I thought.
According to the authors of The choice effect: Love and Commitment In An Age Of Too Many Options – a new generation of women exists – the choister. A choister is “a woman who, by happy accident of geography and timing, has more options at her fingertips than any previous generation.”
Choisters are normally, like myself, in their twenties living in a western democracy and have everything they could ever want within their reach ( perhaps not always in budget but still attainable!). Fancy a 12 month sabbatical and a trip around the world? Or perhaps a baby at 42? Maybe you want to have 25 boyfriends before you settle down? It’s all possible.
And what about your career? Job possibilities may be slimmer in the current climate but the actual options haven’t diminished. We can still choose between office worker, pilot or president if that’s what takes our fancy. Something previous generations of women didn’t have so easy.
However, all this choice makes it even harder for us to actually choose. With so many great possibilities, how are we supposed to know which is the best one to take? What if we make the wrong decision and regret it. I mean, I can’t even choose where I want to go on holiday. What if I go to the Asia but we could have had more fun in the States? What if, what if…. Life’s great mystery! Really I should be telling myself: “Oh for god’s sake… just be grateful that you can go anywhere at all outside your home town!”
We have become spoilt as a generation and unhappy because of it. With so many ‘What If’s?’ going around your head, it makes it hard to stop and appreciate what you actually have. A house, a good job, a family, a partner and most importantly health. Even if we just have a couple of these, shouldn’t it be enough to make us happy? Well, it seems not. Perhaps life was easier when it was all mapped out for us a few generations ago: marriage, babies and growing old. Doesn’t sound too exciting but at least we would have just got on with life instead of wondering about it. Hmmm.. What if I could travel back in time and give it a try? What if……Luckily that’s not a choice for me… YET!
Celebrities have become fans over the last few years of wearing a slogan on their t-shirts to show their feelings or thoughts on a particular issue. Everything from an ironic message to the public to an opinion on a celebrity break-up…. They even started commenting on their own breakup…. Take a look at Katie Price & Peter Andre from when they divorced last year.
This PR gesture actually quite surprises me. Usually all we see are celebrities complaining about how they need some space and the paparazzi won’t leave them alone. But what do they expect? If you’re going to tell the whole world what you think of your own divorce then someone is going to take a picture and make some money out of it! At the end of the day, it’s the same argument as forever; these people wouldn’t be famous without the press in the first place so why don’t they just stop complaining and enjoy their 7 houses, 9 pools, 2 Porsches and their free clothes. Life could be a lot worse you know!
Seems pretty contradictory to me anyway, a little bit like Eva Longoria’s very ‘clear message’ which she wanted the world to see…… Definitely not the best way to get that privacy she was looking for.
However, it must be very liberating to wear something like that, sometimes I wouldn’t mind wearing a t-shirt to show what I’m thinking….
“I’m ignoring you right now in case you hadn’t noticed” to your partner….
“Why are you so slow?!” to the poor guy at the checkout…
” Where’s my pay rise?” to your boss…
Unfortunately, unless I become rich and famous all of a sudden and don’t need to worry about the consequences then I doubt I’ll be sporting slogan t-shirts any time soon. What a shame, I could really use one right now for the boyfriend: “Grey’s Anatomy starts in 20 minutes, you’ve been warned ;)”
I recently read an article in Stylist offering people a chance to ‘play shop’ in a retail space in Central London for 7 days courtesy of the Hospital Club. It was aimed at entrepreneurs – people with a great business idea who hadn’t got it off the ground yet. The competition gave them the opportunity to ‘live their dream’ for one week and it could be anything from selling cookies to an exhibition of shoe designs or holding a social experiment.
At first I thought, what a great idea! How inspiring for people who haven’t had that lucky break they’re waiting for. But the more I thought about it, it actually made me a bit jealous. I kept thinking: what about the rest of us? Wouldn’t it be great if we could all have a ‘trial period’ to see if our dream job is really everything we imagined it to be? Obviously, many of us probably have a probation period with any new job, but normally that’s to see if the company are happy with us, not the other way around.
Just think about it. Wouldn’t it be great to have a few weeks working in your new possible job before you actually accept it? That way at least you could see if your new boss was actually more Miranda Priestly or David Brent!
You could get a real feel for the place and see if it was somewhere you’d like to be everyday. You could also have hands-on experience of the work, not just read what was on the job advert.
So why don’t companies do this? Perhaps they’re afraid that no one will want to come and work there after the trail. Or perhaps they just don’t want to invest the time and resources. Or maybe they just don’t want to let the possible new employee actually make a decision before they’ve arrived.
I do admit that it could be slightly chaotic but in my ideal world I would like to think that before they offer me my dream job, I would get to have a try at said ‘dream job’ first. Just to make sure it really is somewhere I could see myself working. I mean, how do you know what your favourite flavour of ice cream is without trying all the others first? Well, it should be the same with your job. You should be able to try out the possible options.
Sometimes we seem to lose sight of the fact that working isn’t just about paying the bills. Where we work is the place where we probably spend most of our time and most of our lives. So that should be a place you love, shouldn’t it?
Perhaps I’m too demanding…. Or maybe I’m just an idealist. Or maybe you could call me a recruiter of the future? (Well, not officially… give me a 2 week trial to see if I like the position first!)
I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that it seems to be getting harder and harder to keep up with ever-changing fashion trends nowadays. However, I’ve recently realised that there are some fashions which never change.
Think about a wedding or a funeral for example. It’s just expected that the bride wears white and at a funeral, everyone wears black. In fact, I remember once at a family funeral, one of my cousins wore a bright green coat and everyone acted as if there was an elephant in the room. The older generations just shook their heads while the younger family members stared in shock. Personally, I just kept thinking “good on you! everyone’s sad enough already, we don’t need all this gloomy black on top of it!” But I was still sitting there in my black dress and coat and will probably continue to do so at other funerals.
To be honest, I think I actually like it, the stability and tradition of it all, something that seems to be disappearing in so many other ways. I just find it surprising that the custom has stayed so strong. As I am writing this, I am thinking of one of my ‘readers’ who I know for a fact didn’t get married in white… dark red I think it was actually… but she’s a special case! ;)
I also know that this isn’t true for all religions or cultures so I am generalising slightly but it does seem that black funerals and white weddings are two things that have definitely stuck. When you were young and you thought about your dream wedding, I doubt that you imagined yourself in a purple or a blue dress! And if you have a funeral to go to, I bet you’re not worrying about what colour dress to buy either.
I know that there is reason behind these things; white is meant to show purity and black is worn as a sign of respect but doesn’t anyone else think it’s strange that everything else seems to be continuously changing and evolving yet this stays the same? I certainly know that people aren’t as ‘pure’ at their weddings anymore yet most dresses are still white… Maybe it’s true what they say: people just don’t like change.
Just something to think about… and in case you’re wondering, if I ever get married then you’ll definitely be seeing me in white!
The summer is now upon us and I’ve recently seen and heard a lot about the increase in the number of couples breaking up during their holidays. This isn’t a new topic and I actually think that about this time every year there is a surge in information about “How to make your relationship work during the holidays” and a lot more money going into counsellors’ pockets. I’d always thought (being the eternal romantic that I am!) that maybe society was just trying to make some money out of summer. In the same way that valentines, halloween and xmas are becoming more and more consumer focussed events, well perhaps bookstores and chat shows are trying to increase their mid-year income just the same!
But it really made me stop and think when I received an email at work from the company which is responsible for helping us to maintain our ‘work-life balance’ . It said that if anyone was interested then they could request some ‘top tips on how to survive the holidays with their partner’. I thought, hang on a minute.. you’re supposed to help me find a cleaner or a dentist not give me relationship advice while I’m sitting at my desk! Things must be going bad for a lot of couples if this is what they think people need on a Monday morning in July.
I’d never really worried about holidays being a hard time for me and my boyfriend but maybe that’s because I haven’t been married for years either. I can understand what people mean though – being with someone more time than usual can be strange and all those annoying things that your partner does have even more chance to get on your nerves. But surely people notice that their other half is a pain in the ass the other 50 weeks of the year too? I don’t know, I just think it’s unrealistic of couples to say that they’re just fine and dandy until their summer holiday or the week of xmas comes along and that’s when it all goes downhill. Maybe they just don’t want to face their problems during the rest of the year, maybe they put up with less when they’re not in the their routine lifestyle or maybe the love of their life really is a nightmare at the beach!
Whatever the reason, I don’t think that society helps the situation by drilling into our heads that the minute we go away we will start to have relationship problems due to the ‘highly stressful’ nature of a holiday. Maybe if they told us that we would go away and be more in love than ever, then there would be an increase in people renewing their wedding vows this summer, who knows!
My advice would be to just sit back, relax, take in the sights and have a cocktail. If nothing else, at least after 3 Piña Coladas you’ll start to think you’re on holiday with Johnny Depp or Jennifer Anniston and who can complain about that!